I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
