I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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