I wish I only lived at night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
