"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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