North Korea, Best Korea!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
