i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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