you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
