I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
