I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
