I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
