she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
