it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
