I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
