Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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