Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
