last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
