hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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