your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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