I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
