At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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