you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
