so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
