I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
