Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
