Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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