The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize