Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
