i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize