yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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