Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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