Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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