I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
did i just pee glitter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
