she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
