I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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