hotel room ftw
I think I am morally bankrupt
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
