Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
