Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
