If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
