the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
