why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
