But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
