I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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