from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
