Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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