so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
