Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
