I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
