I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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