Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
