Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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