burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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