What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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