people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
