i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
