tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
