Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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