The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize