HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
