Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
vagina is talking i cant
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize