Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
