you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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