Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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