This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
